Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
