When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
