Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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