the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
