I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
