What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
