whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
