this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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