Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
