come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
