At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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