My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
