I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Girls should come with a carfax report
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
