apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you never un-have a 4some
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
