I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
