Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
