you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
