We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize