Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
