my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
