THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
