don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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