Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
