When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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