Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
