Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
