i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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