Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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