Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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