I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
