From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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