Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm bleeding and have questions
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
