The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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