I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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