I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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