so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
