I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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