Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
