Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
