doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have aggressive nipples.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
