i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
