you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
