maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
