so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
