I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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