I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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