We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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