and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You're like the curious george of whores
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
