I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
