he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me I should be a condom model.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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