she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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