I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
