I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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