the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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