my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
