Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
