ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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