You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
