so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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