in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
where am i from again
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
