Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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