Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
