I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's like heaven, but drunker
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
