I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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