you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
