I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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