the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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