so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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