I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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