did you get engaged???
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
