Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
