Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
