You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
