he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
