Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He did a backflip because drugs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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