Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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