i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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