So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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