I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
