It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
